Al-Anon just wasn’t for me. I have been to over 50 various meetings throughout my area. Oftentimes I was sitting in mostly a circle of women, some knitting, about 12-15 of us. When I would get there, I was always rushed, always late. I would have just a short time before I would have to run off to work, or pick up my kids.
When I did get to meetings, most of the time women were crying about death, divorce, rehab, or a loved one missing. Or, about how the loved one was at home, and just creating pure chaos.
I felt bad being in a room where I couldn’t handle listening to other people’s stories. I had so much going on internally, I couldn’t make room for other people’s problems, or sitting patiently while I knew I had so much going on at home, and wondering what he was up to while I was taking time for myself.
I was lost. I was desperate. I needed a group of people that I felt was safe to share my story, and wouldn’t embarrass my husband. I still felt the need to protect his privacy, no matter how upset I was at him.
I decided to take a leap.
I had heard about Mastermind & Mentorship programs. They seemed like a gathering of people, looking for coaching and mentorship on how to better themselves. Some were for the body. Some were for the mind. Some were for spirit. Some were for all of the above.
Sign me up for all of the above.
I decided to enroll into Bo Eason’s Mentorship program after seeing him in Los Angeles at Idea Fit Conference. It was my first conference in the fitness industry, and I was beyond excited. I was also nervous. Did I have what it takes? Did I belong?
I watched Bo Eason on stage at Idea Fit on the last day. I was blown away. Somebody got me. At the end of his session, they had an offer to do one of his three day weekend mentorship and coaching sessions in La Jolla, CA. “That’s twenty minutes from my house,” I thought.
The cost was about $2,500 I believe if I remember correctly. Wayyyyyyy more money than I had at that time to spend on something to better myself. That money was needed for the mortgage, as my husband wasn’t working at the time, and I hadn’t yet gotten my job.
I remember leaving the auditorium at Idea Fit. Bo was in the back collecting slips from people ready to commit to that three day weekend mentorship. I left the room, defeated, knowing that I was walking away from something that might be amazing for me.
One flight of escalators. Done. Second flight of escalators. Done. Before I attempted the third, I stopped in my tracts. I did a U-turn. And headed back up the escalators.
“No, you can’t afford this. You can’t do this. This is irresponsible.”
I U-turned back down the first flight of escalators. As each step brought me further and further down, I slowly realized what was waiting for me back at the hotel. Chaos.
A voice inside of me told me to stop. That it was ok. It told me, “You can’t afford NOT to do this.”
I knew I needed something.
I stormed back up the last escalator. This time taking two steps at a time, and not allowing myself to pause for fear I would turn around again. I filled out the yellow slip, and registered for the three day event in October.
It was my time to shine.
I was ready for this weekend. I was ready to meet people who knew nothing of me. I was ready to get up on stage and share with hundreds of strangers my truth.
After spending three days there, I realized I wasn’t ready to share all of it. I was still in the “stuck” stage. While I was making progress, and SLOWLY seeping my truth to the crowd of people, I still wasn’t ready yet to tell all of it.
I was stuck because of fear.
I was afraid I would be made fun of by others. I was afraid I would be shunned. I was afraid I would be yelled at. I was afraid of a lot of things. I had begun trying to move on to better things, and release my past. But I just couldn’t do it.
I knew I wasn’t quite finished yet.
At the end of the three days, I did something crazy. I signed up for his exclusive Mastermind group. The monthly payments were once again, wayyyyyyyyy more than we could afford at the time. Desperation can make you do crazy things.
I was made fun of by many. Mocked. Even spied on.
When you are watched, and mocked, it can put a massive cloud of doubt and fear inside you for wanting to move forward, and do something better with your life safely.
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This picture is of me getting ready for his mentorship weekend. I had begun doing some writing, prepping myself on paper to say the things I wanted to say. I ended up just skimming the surface after that three day weekend. I barely hit the icing on the cake.
Throughout my year at the Mastermind program, I was forced to get uncomfortable. I went up on stage, was coached how to have a presence, and even was filmed sharing my two minute story. That story is for another time.
What I do know, is if I hadn’t signed that yellow piece of paper to do the three day weekend, I wouldn’t have had the guts to interview for my first job.
At Bo’s Q & A on the last day, I finally mustered up the courage to ask my question to Bo. The days following the weekend, I was hosting my first boot camp, and later that week interviewing for my first fitness job as a trainer.
I was 36 years old, and late to the fitness party.
“What if I fail?” I asked him when I stepped up to the microphone in front of the crowd.
He looked me right in the eye.
“What if you succeed?” He asked calmly.
I realized succeeding was perhaps even scarier than failing.
I picked up my things. And walked out of the room. I knew exactly what I had to do.
A month later, after my first bootcamp success, I was hired as a personal trainer at Fitwall. Words cannot describe how proud I felt wearing that coach’s shirt, which, by the way, I didn’t even get the first day. My boss said I had to “earn it.” Five days later, I was handed my coach’s shirt. I still wear it to this day.
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If I hadn’t taken the leap to invest in myself, and believe in myself, and think I am worthy of better, I would never have earned that coach’s shirt. I never would have become a Head Coach. I never would have become Sales Manager and later Manager. I never would have become a top salesperson for the company.
I never would have become a lot of things. I never would have the confidence to believe in myself to even be doing things like this.
I wonder often, if I hadn’t taken that leap of faith, where I would be now. I have no idea. But I do know, if you’re ever not sure if you deserve a chance, if you’re ever not sure if you deserve to do something better. You do.
Take the leap. Your new life is waiting for you.
Voices InCourage launches November 1.