Pen in hand, I first took to my usual narrative. But then, a fresh thought broke through and instead, I chose to steer my words towards a different horizon: The moment when we start to like ourselves again.
Embracing Your Inner You
I haven’t felt like my old self a lot these past few months. I’ve felt different. Newer. Fresher. This can be exhilarating, terrifying, exciting, nerve-wracking, and sexy all at the same time.
One minute I’m saying “Holy crap I just did that!'' in exhilaration, chest out. Two minutes later, I repeat the same phrase, “Holy crap I just did that” while sheepishly covering my eyes.
I feel like a totally different person than I was six months ago. And since it’s also part of my job to share the good, the bad, and right now the real honest, here’s a few secrets about me you might not know:
Me Behind Closed Doors
I Can & Would Quote 80’s Movies All Day & Night If Allowed. Spies Like Us. Caddyshack. Goonies. The Great Outdoors. Ferris Bueller’s Day Off. Stripes. Vacation. European Vacation. Christmas Vacation. Spaceballs. Trading Places. Weird Science. Ghostbusters. Top Gun. Summer Rental. Coming to America. Boomerang. Major League.
As a kid I obviously had a lot of time on my hands. My mom was a teacher, my dad worked somewhere I never could quite grasp. We were latchkey kids. So my house became the neighborhood hangout, a hub for my brother and all his friends who watched movie after movie and cracked inappropriate jokes. I, of course, tagged along for the ride, usually uninvited.
I had the best childhood.
- I Would Pay Big Money to Get a Good Night’s Sleep. Like Immediate Cash. I just don’t sleep well at night. Rarely ever. Sometimes, I have an amazing dream that just gets me, and makes me believe the best is possible. It puts me on cloud nine, and I relish the possibilities. Like last night, I allowed myself permission to think, “What if.” It felt good for some time, but then daylight came, and I quickly relinquished that thought.
- I Would Love a Really Good Hug. You know the kind you can breathe through? Where the person reassures you, “You can take a breath. Breathe. You are safe.” I would love for someone to say that to me. To let me just take a moment and feel safe. To experience what it’s like to actually slow my breathing. I don’t remember what it feels like to take a safe breath.
- I Not Only Quote Movies, but I Just Repeat Snippets from Movies Over & Over. I watch like 10 different movies fast-forwarding to all the good parts in one sitting. Like I watch the end of Karate Kid. I can do the kick. I have actually kicked a woman in the face before. Totally by accident, of course. In my defense, it was in a kickboxing class, I just don’t have good depth perception. To my credit though, it was a kick ass kick. I couldn’t repeat it if I tried.
I have a soft spot for the Zendaya and Zac Efron trapeze scene from “The Greatest Showman” because I think it’s damn romantic and sweet. I like watching these movies because I get nervous if I have to get dressed up and put a dress and heels on. I’m used to gym attire. So I live vicariously through these women and keep my dress and heels waiting in the closet, patiently biding their time.
- I Cannot Meditate. There, I said it. Like at all. Attempting to slow down my breathing is like asking a cat not to chase a mouse. Not gonna happen. I know it’s easy for many, but slowing down is not my forte– but I am open to it.
My form of “meditation” is blaring music while watching the sunset in my room or lying down in my bed in the dark. I am envisioning the person I want to become. (And yes, I know that’s not meditation. Again, another thing I’m working on.)
Your Own “Secrets” May Be a Roadmap To Embracing Your True Self
Even though my secrets are personal to me, your secrets may serve as a roadmap to capturing authentic you, and allowing people in.
By acknowledging and sharing your own hidden truths, you not only gain a better understanding of who you truly are, but also create an opportunity for others to connect with you on a deeper level.
Your secrets can serve as bridges, inviting people into your experiences, emotions, and vulnerabilities, strengthening the bonds and authenticity in your relationships.
Hey, if I can do it, and my walls can be like a fortress, then you can do it, too.